Searching for meaning

I woke up so early in the morning after a night of tossing and turning. I barely slept 2 hours the entire night. I had a conversation with a friend during the night, I was telling her that I am finding it difficult to sleep. She asked me if I had stress. I told her “not that I am aware of”. I woke up with her question in my mind early in the morning. What if I am stressed and I am not aware that I am stressed? Already my body is communicating with me. It must have received that message from my mind but I have been ignoring it. The mind is so brilliant, it had to find another way of communicating with me this important message.

Recently I have went through extreme changes in my life. My closest friend moved to China. We live in different time zones and it is very difficult to communicate, even with advanced technologies. I was very heart broken to see him go but it was important to him that he leaves. He was searching for meaning and fulfilment in his life. It was important to me that I allow him to do so because I could see how much he need to take this journey.

After many years of not speaking about religion with my mother, I opened up to her about how I feel about it as a concept and that I do not believe in Christianity any longer because I do not relate to its teachings. She was shocked and thought of me as insane. I told her that I was Christian because I was born into it. Now I am learning about other religions and considering Buddhism because the teaching relate so much to what I believe in. She didn’t understand that as well.

I have been using cannabis for 9 years now and I believe it will continue to be part of my life for many years to come. I am opening up about my usage to the people around me more. Only my friends knew. Now I want my family to know because it is part of my life. Cannabis has been legalised in South Africa which means my cultivation and usage doesn’t place anyone at risk of being on the wrong side of the law. I suffer from anxiety, depression and panic attacks. Cannabis helps me to deal with these conditions. Opening up about my usage to my mother after opening up about religion feels like it would be too much for her to take in because she has health issues of her own. And my family doesn’t know about my health conditions.

Secrets yes I know. However my lifestyle “conditions” have negative stigmas associated with them which makes it difficult for me to live an open lifestyle with those around me. I need a psychologist and therapy but I am not ready to go, well I think I am not.

I am busy searching for meaning. We tend to try to find meaning in religious beliefs and in our careers. I believe meaning should be well rounded in your life. Mind body and soul. We need to take care of our well being in its entirety, so that our meaning can make sense. I see and live with people who have “everything” but live their lives with so much sadness because there are things in their lives they have not nurtured and are catching up with them. Life is unexplainable. Which is why we keep searching for meaning.

I am about to complete my second book which will help me and my readers search for meaning through conversation. It is an interesting coffee table book, however I am feeling so tired emotionally to complete it. My work is taking strain, my life is taking strain. And I only realised once she asked me if I am stressed. How fascinating is that?

Keep searching, and keep living.

Botlhale Mosito.


A future based on inheritance 

Been listening to a lot of interviews these days. I swear I should have been a psychologist, I would be excellent. When people talk about their live journeys and the legacies they want to leave behind, many if them mention securing a wealthy inheritance for their children and grand children, this is mentioned mostly by people who had a rough journey in life. They experienced the difference in living with and without wealth. This idea left me provoked about inheritance.
Studies show that many people who inherit wealth do not grow it, they actually spend it until they are left with next to nothing then they have to go find a job. Finding a job based on such a circumstance is not ideal because the motive behind the job is based on making money rather than building something which will make a difference or something which will fulfill you. Your life will basically be miserable from there on because all you will be thinking is bills and you will not be fulfilled. People rather do what fulfills them and find a way of selling it.
We are often informed on the news that billionaires are pledging most of their wealth to charity organizations rather than leaving it to their children, most of their reasons are based on the fact that they know that their children will figure life out without those fortunes. That is understandable because if your parents are billionaires they should have taught you how to make money, therefore your life is not based on the money but on doing what fulfills you as a person because financially you can secure yourself.
I asked myself a question, “are these people suffering from struggle mentality?” Maybe they are because they experienced the extremes of poverty, and they saw how the access to cash changed their “hustle”.
How much inheritance did you earn? What kind of lifestyle can it afford you? Will you still need to go find a job because it might run out? This is how our kids lives will look like because we are busy securing wealth for our kids. What are they going to do with their lives if chances state that they might not grow their wealth? How are they going to teach their kids how to create wealth if they don’t know how because they are enjoying yours? If your kids are not taught how to create wealth they are going to lose it. 
What will happen to kids which wont inherit wealth ? Will they be generational labourers? Possibly.
A future of inheritance can be dark if inheritance is not passed on with knowledge, it could be a burden which would place a kid without inheritance at an advantage.
I believe in teaching a kid how to fish rather than feeding them, because if you feed them you will have to feed them forever. Seems like this is a billionaire mindset since they are giving away their wealth. 
I was also provoke my a documentary by Jamie Johnson, called “the one percent”. I asked myself one more question; “will a future of inheritance really be bright for my kids if they wont grow it and if they will possibly do nothing with their lives ?”

Provoked ​

“It is our tradition”

A boy noticed that every time he sees his mother fry fish in a pan his mother used to cut off the head and the tail. He then asked his mother why does she do that all the time she prepares fish. His mother’s response was that she learned how to prepare a fish like that from her mother, and she never asked why they prepared it that way. The boy then asked his grandmother and astonishingly his grandmother said she used to prepare the fish like that because back in the old days they didn’t have access to big frying pans, so they chopped the head and the tail off so that the fish can fit in the pan.
Using this story as an example I want to share my frustrations about traditions. I find myself being the boy in the story on a regular basis when I have conversations with elders in my family. I am a very curious person and I disregard things which people try to force on me while they are unable to explain the roots of the tradition they want me to practice.
Often elders are unable to explain why we do things, like in the story the boy’s mother was unable to explain why she chops the head and the tail off, only to find out the tradition was based on convenience. I am seriously against African traditions because most of them cannot be explained. We are already a “westernized society” so why do we try and suggest that a certain outfit shows respect in serious events, for example men in serious events need to wear jackets as a sign of respect and women wear long dresses. Traditional African clothing doesn’t consist of clothing. It consists of skins. Our clothing is Western European culture so can someone explain to me how does a jacket or a dress show respect ? Its a piece of clothing for goodness sake.
I am African so I will talk about African traditions. We believe in many different things and we want to enforce our beliefs onto others without leaving room for them to belief in what they choose. We also feel offended when people go against “our traditions” 

We have the responsibility to ask why things are being done the way they are being done because when we skip a generation without asking we are going to end up teaching things which we do not understand ourselves, which is what is happening now… frustrated boys and girls who have simple questions but the answers they receive are”it is our tradition.”
If the mother had asked her mother she would have understood that the preparation method her mother used was based on convenience, and she would have amended the method to what she prefers because she has options today. Her mothers method was not supposed to be a “tradition”… luckily the boy’s grandmother was still alive, because if she wasn’t his mother was going to force a “misguided tradition” on him and he would also pass it down because it would have grown into a tradition.
If elders are going to fail to explain why we do things with a better explanation than “it is our tradition” then I rather be the disrespectful rebel. 
Some African traditions are just superstitions, people fear the unknown, people are paranoid and people believe in nonsense which restricts the ability to be open minded. 
To go back to tradition is the first step forward ” – African Proverb 
Botlhale Mos 

A letter to a…

I fought so many feelings I had for you and agreed to be in a friend zone with you because we both thought we would be friends forever. I was afraid to date you because I knew that once we date we would be at a risk of losing each other forever. That was the most stupid thing we did together because we lost each other either way as we grew apart.
We never learned how to love each other at a distance and now it is not the same anymore; even when we meet you seem strange as if I never knew you.
We used to talk everyday and we didn’t run out of things to talk about. We were natural as if we had known each other since birth. We found truth in each other, only to realise today that our truth was based on deceiving ourselves… in my perspective anyways.
Love? Yes I loved you, I couldn’t be apart from you, all the time we didn’t share tortured me; all I wanted was to spend as much time with you as possible. 

We both felt the same love, we both didn’t act on it. We lost each other. I thought our story would receive a movie ending, but we both know how it ended.
I don’t regret our choices; I just have that “What if?” Pacing in my consciousness. I really hope you are doing well because I really miss you.
With love 
Your old…

Inspired by a romcom ​


Why am I nice to you when you abuse me? Why am I nice to you why you live a good life because of me but you are refusing to pay your dues? Why am I nice to you while I am always thinking about you in the worst way? Why am I nice to you when you continue to do worse things to me? Why am I nice to you when love doesn’t exist between us?
I am nice to you because you took advantage of my vulnerability, you taught me dependence and I depend on you.
I am nice to you because if I don’t be nice I will suffer beyond how I am suffering now.
I am nice to you because I might be afraid of you, and I dress up my true feeling with love.
I am nice to you because you made me your slave and I can not think independently.
Well right now I need to stop being nice to you and learn how to be nice to myself, and live or die with the consequences of not being nice to you.
The worst thing that could happen to me is that I could die, and the best thing is that I could live. Right now being nice to you makes me feel dead… maybe literal death could be the beginning of my life.  
I cannot continue to be nice to you. 


From vast backgrounds and locations around the globe. We still have people who relate to our thoughts, our creations and to our existence. Then we have those who don’t relate to us at all. Some people find offence in people who don’t relate to them, they find it difficult to understand that “no matter how ripe and sweet a peach may be, there will always be someone who doesnt like peaches.”
Sometimes people don’t really relate to our existence but they understand our existence and that allows them to appreciate us.
When people grow up and understand that they are unique, and they appreciate their own differences they understand that they cannot relate to everyone, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Having an open mind to existence is important because there is more than one side to everything, we live a life of opposites and that allows life to be balanced.
Yes it is a good feeling to relate to others, be understood, or to understand, appreciate or be appreciated. However it is also fine not to relate to others if you cannot, it is fine not to be understood or not to understand. It is fine not to appreciate or not to be appreciated. It is life and we are human beings. Perfection exists in chaos.
Letting life be because life is Art


A characteristic which is usually associated with children tends to be a more common characteristic for adults. At least children have an excuse because they hardly know anything, however adults; we just ignore a lot of things which we shouldn’t be ignoring and we appear naive, and sometimes stupid!
A few days ago I was listening to a keynote speaker at an event I attended, as this man narrated his story about the hardships he went through to achieve his perception of success, I was shocked about what he went through and that he single handedly achieved his dreams against poverty, homelessness, unemployment and more. As he completed narrating his hardships and achievements he said “I could have not achieved my dreams without the people who informed and gave me opportunities. They played a vital role in my life.”
My shocked face instantly got worse, my jaw dropped. He said “I cannot be naive and say I achieved my dreams without help, a lady at the city library informed me about a university, how I can apply for a bursary and the school. Without her I couldnt have went to school because I wouldnt have known“.
I realized that I have been very self centred, I have been refusing to acknowledge the fact that I didn’t get to where I am by myself. “I am not a self made man, such a thing doesnt exist“. Yes I took advantage of opportunities and some of those opportunities were given to me by someone else.
People tend to fall into the mentality of thinking that they are “self made“. It is an arrogant and naive mentality. Most of these people are people who went through hardship before they became “successful“.
This keynote speech changed my perspective, and it allowed me to appreciate what other people have done for me, and I will appreciate what is to come. We live in an ecosystem, and every dot connects.
If we can be naive about being appreciative and acknowledging the people who help us, can you even imagine how naive we actually are about our entire existence ?
Very appreciative 
Inspired by Frank Magwegwe.
Botlhale • Mos

The island 

I am located in the middle of the Pacific ocean, practically I am in the middle of nowhere. I am a small piece of land with a very little bit of life. I am no one’s home.
Once in a while people come over for a visit, they come “visit” but they only come for their own reasons. Some come with the intention to take things out of their minds, some come to relax, some seek help, but definitely no one is just visiting. 
After a few hours, some a few days, they pack up and leave, they head back to their own lives as “me time” is over.
No one whats to call me home, some have an idea of doing so, but no one is whiling to populate me. I sometimes wish I was part of a continent because then people would call me Home.
Sometimes I wish the ocean would swallow me up and, with the hope that the under world would appreciate my presence and not call me a holiday destination. 
Botlhale • Mos

The dynamics of my Truth 

 My truth has potential to offend those who disagree with the existence or the structure of my truth. Those people will then want to change my truth (through debating my truth based on their perspective which is outside my truth) so that it can suit them; without asking me if I want to change my truth.
My truth has the potential of becoming a criminal offence.
My truth is variable and the variability of my truth is dependent upon the potential consequences of making my truth known.


Brotherhood / Sisterhood 

A group of people who have a greater relationship than friendship. A brotherhood/sisterhood relationship is a relationship based on collective empowerment in all spheres of life. It is a constellation of stars which form galaxies of infinite possibilities of success in different spheres of our existence.   


Each and every person should surround themselves with stars which will brighten up their spheres. And they should not just absorb the light, they must be willing to shine back the light into the sphere.
Should I not afford my friend an opportunity when I have the capacity to do so, why should that person consider me as a brother or even a mere friend?

Friendship cannot be based on going out and sloshing ourselves drunk all the time. Friendship consists of a whole lot of dynamics which require you to ask for help should you need it in every dynamic, and for your closest friends to help you because you would do the same for them. 
I have noticed that a lot of people keep dead weight as friends, this dead weight slows them down from achieving their desired successes professionally and in their personal lives. Our closest network is our friends and our friends should understand that they should help us if they can and you should do the same for them.
It is sad that we live in societies where people are resistant to building brotherhood relationships with their friends. In high school our hockey manager used to tell us that he doesn’t want an individual star player because he is managing a team of stars. Good friendships which result in brotherhood relationships operate on the same principles, there is no room for selfishness and the desire to outshine your peers by huge margins. Every star in your galaxy should be able to shine individually.
My power and influence should benefit those around me. And if everyone around me has the same mentality we will become the sun in our galaxy. Real friends become your real family. Blood is made with water.
Sphere of supremacy !
Botlhale Mos