IN THE TRAIN (at 5pm; during the rush)

Why the hell am I trying to do this? I have been living a good life doing what I love then I wanted to taste how the rat race feels like. 
I went into the the rat race for one day, as a Job shadower during an interview process, WOW it was hectic. Half way through the day I felt like I had been up and working for over two days. I was working so hard on someone else’s dream, and I noticed I have never worked as hard on mine, “why am I even trying to give up on my dreams?”. I thought to myself, “I can‘t live like thisthe thought of doing this for the rest of my life is more stupid than actually doing it.”
While I was in a train heading home, every station the train stopped at in the city everyone there looked like a zombie… they looked so tired and confused it was insane. You could see some of them force “who they actually are into these dead bodies they are walking in” by doing what they love as they wait for the train to arrive. They would read, listen to music or even have conversations with strangers just to get out of the “work mentality“.
My thoughts were running crazy. I had mixed feelings about being in this world (the rat race). I couldn’t see how it fitted into who I am, it was too much for me, I work hard but I dont feel like I am working because I enjoy what I do, to think I once wanted to be in the Race… when I was still in SCHOOL… Fuck no!
There is no freedom when you are living in a system which is not yours. Creating your own is the best thing you could ever do for yourself.
I decided not to be part of the race, I will stick to my decision because what I tried verified that the race is not for me. It was asking for more than I was willing to give of myself and it was not rewarding at all.
When I got of the train I started to have a panic attack, hundreds of people entering and existing the station just to rush back to their real lives. I started to sweat however the station is highly ventilated, I unbuttoned my shirt held on to the rail along the wall, caught the escalator out of the station and as I breathed the fresh air outside I decided… I want to live! 
Botlhale • Mos 
Recovering from a mind fucking experience.

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